Below are the 7 most recent journal entries recorded in thenewbrutality's LiveJournal:

Thursday, June 22nd, 2006
12:46 am	life is throwing me lemons and I dont like lemonade It took me an hour to write this so you can take 5-10 to read it and help me. me saying this isnt probibly going to modivate you and I havent updated this in a good while but whatever only like 5 people are gonna read this anyways and noone cares about my problems so im just doing this to somewhat vent my frustration. out of the few of you that is going to read this heres a table of contents so you dont have to read the whole thing(this is in no particular order: *ankle/me whining about how fat I am *thief assholes *jobs and the lack of one *girls *my paranoia that most of my friends hate me *blah blah blah as you read before I fucked my ankle up and its supposed to be fully healed but its not. the doctor told me id wear this brace for 2 weeks and ill be fully healed. well its been about 3 weeks and it still fucking hurts like hell and it doesnt help that im a fucking blimp. I want to get healed so I can start working out and lose some weight so I can try to gain a shred of self confidence and find a girl who wont walk all over my delicate little feelings. speaking of girls, I got a call from this girl I really liked the other day. we had a falling out cause she treated me like shit and stomped my feelings into the ground and rubbed my face into it. I didnt answer and she left a viocemail saying she finally realized that she fucked up and wanted to apologize to me about being a "real bitch" to me. after doing the same thing to me twice she thinks ill accept her apology and be her friend again, ha. I told her I dont want to just be her friend and that I wanted to be in a relationship with her and she didnt want it to be that way so I dropped it. I dont really know why I liked her soo much but I did and I still do a little. my best friend told me to never talk to her ever again and blow her off, I should listen to him but I kinda want to patch things up but I know ill get stomped on again. I want a relationship like he has with his girlfriend(also one of my close friends) but I dont think I will EVER. they love each other soo much and I want to know what thats like. everytime I meet someone I am nothing but nice to them until I realize that im getting strung along and I break it off. I swear there is noone for me and that ill be alone forever. recently my friend justin had his girlfriend (krystal)set me up a date with her friend I think is cute, but I fucked up on the times for krystals gradutation party where I was gonna meet her friend and I was going to figure out what we were gonna do. I felt really bad cause they wanted me to be there and I missed it. I called justin at the time I thought the party was and it was over, I wanted to hang with them and he told me that they're leaving for the reservation and he'd call me later, but he didnt call and he sounded kinda pissed. I sent krystals friend a myspace message with my number and she hasnt responded its really corny and childish but its my only way of contacting her and I was really looking foward to dating her. Ill give up on it now, just another tally for rejection. It was an honest fuck up and I dont know what I did wrong other than miss the party. If your reading this, I am truely sorry. I already know my friend john hates me. I dont know whats up with him, he is a completely different person than he used to be. before we would always go out and do things like go skating, drive around, we worked together, went wheeling, hung with the homies and other shit of the sort but now he doesnt do anything. for a while there he was my best friend. he will get pissed over nothing and stay pissed all day when before it would take soooo much to get him as pissed as he is now. he never leaves the house unless its to go to work, get jack and the box or to the gas station to get his cigs. on a rare occasion he'll go to a movie or go to the store with the rest of us (us meaning me, merina, and clayton his brother). I almost never see him smiling when hes sitting around. he always complains about not having a woman, but he has at least 10 girls that are willing to be with him and the rest of us all see it. he sees it too but he doesnt do anything. I would kill to be in his shoes. I mean he has all these women after him, he doesnt live with his parents, hes got a truck thats a hell of a wheeler, and hes got a shitty job but its still a job. his job is putting the stress on him but he totally blows it out of proportion, and he carrys it over when he gets home and gets pissed over little shit. I tell him that and that he should relax cause its just jiffy lube. its not like your the overseer of a nuclear plant or something. with the way hes getting stressed and all the jack n the box he eats I fear hes going to have a heart attack. Id hate to see it happen but with the way hes living its bound to happen. this week Ive been working with merina's uncle cause Ive applied to several places I should walk into cause im more than qualified but I never get a return phone call. hunting for jobs stresses me the fuck out cause my family is slowly starting to not make ends meet and I need to help out my mom cause im the oldest and cause my bro and sis arent getting jobs either. Ive been selling off some things I dont really want to and im saving the money I have in case my family needs it. I love them to death and will do anything for any of them. this morning my brothers car got stolen right out of our yard and needless to say it set me off. I hate how when your shit gets stolen you have to pay out the ass to get back something thats yours. my mom cant really afford it but she paid it anyways. the assholes broke the steering wheel and the signal switch that turns the lights on and stole the stereo I got him for christmas. I told my mom were putting up a fence and im buying a shotgun but she yelled at me about getting a gun and threatened to kick me out of the house if I got one. the only reason I want one is to protect them and our shit cause we cant afford to have our cars stolen or to replace the things we might lose in the future. I said id follow all precautions like getting a trigger lock, getting a safe for it, go to a gun safety class, and buy nonleathal rounds of rock salt so nooone accidently kills themselves but to no avail. this is the third incident that has happened this year to our house, first we were egged, then our window was broken with a brick with firecrackers on it and now the car was stolen. I fear that next the house itself will get broken into. this is the #1 reason why I want a gun, if someone is willing to break in and steal our very hard earned things and or potentially harm us when we are vunerable theyre gonna get a chest full of rock salt and tossed in jail for years. I feel like im at the end of my rope and I dont know who to go to for advice. If I go to my friends theyll make fun of me and call me emo and shit, if I go to my parents theyll think im suicidal or something is wrong with me, my brother and sister are young and havent experienced life enough to give me good advice. we cantafford for me to go to a phyciatrist (sp). I havent tried the public but this is as close as im going to get. if youve read this then I congradulate you and hope your advise (if anyone leaves any) will help me. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, May 29th, 2006
3:04 pm	Ill never forger this weekend as long as I live. all the bands, all the people, the injuries. Im sad that champion is no longer but Im glad they played a last show and im glad that they were a band, if it wasnt for them who knows what/where Id be today. Im thankful that they opened the world of hardcore and straight edge to me. Im still speachless about champions performance on saturday. I only hope for a reunion in the future. ah im done thinking of things to try to say im in pain, thank you internal affairs for bringing me to mosh my ankle into the ground. Current Music: Barricade-The Weathered. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 23rd, 2006
1:07 am	I hate girls and close minded christians. I just saw the davinci code and I dont know why christians are sooooo scared of. all this movie does is provoke thought, and if a fucking movie can make you question your faith enough to not believe anymore then you never had it. If anyone on my friends list protested this movie or thought of it, never speak to me about your religion or anything you believe in. I dont ever want to be a part of your sham. last but not least, girls. why is it that I always seem to find these shallow, immature, stupid girls who cant keep their mind straight and cant be honest. someone please tell me why. Ive been thinking a lot, and im fed up with you and your stupid little games. if you want to salvage the shred of "friendship" we have, then tell me what I am going to be to you; just a friend and never anything more or if you want it to be more. cause im tired of hearing about everyone else you like and being the only one who wants to listen to your pointless relationship problems. I think you know who you are. Im fucking done with this shit. Why are you girls soo shallow?? please tell me why you do this to guys like me? after we tell you how we stand and were we want this relationship to go. after we've been straight foward with you and you put us on the back burner and basically shove every guy you go after in our faces. finally when its been done to you, as it has just recently, you still continue to do it to me. when will you learn that it hurts? how many times will it take? when you can answer this, call me, but until then dont bother. Current Mood: annoyed Current Music: Internal Affairs-s/t (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, May 19th, 2006
11:10 pm	I hate everyone and every fucking thing................................. today I almost went insane. so last night was my last night at my job in arlington and I decided to just go home early and chill cause baxter was in everett and I wanted to have a long weekend cause I dont start working at the new place till wedensday. I get home and we take our records and shit to baxters dads house cause were gonna stay there for the night. on the way there vinces car overheated (its been having problems) but it was hella fun and all that good shit the rest of the night. so I woke up and checked up on my ebay auctions and shit and I lost out on some items cause baxters dads computer sucks so that started off the day that kept getting worse. since I got paid I wanted to go to singles to get some records so we left and then the car started heating up again. we pulll over to let it cool down and shit and im pissed cause I thought my dad fixed it. instead he just thought the fans didnt turn on so he ghetto rigged the fan to stay on whenever the key is on but that wasnt the problem....................I didnt know that till later on, I had told my dad to replace the radiator cap too cause it was bed and he didnt. we walked to singles, got some shit and drove back to baxters house and it overheated again. we pull over 3 blocks from his house to let it cool and then we drive it back. im super pissed still cause the fucking car keeps overheating and I didnt know why the fuck it was and I havent showered in 2 days and im tired, I just wanted to go home and I couldnt. we stay there for about 2 hours and listen to the records we bought and I want to get going. I finally got vince to get going so we take off and its starts heating up again. I thought the freeway going north was going to be clear so I thought we could get the car home cause the air from going 60 mph's will cool it enough. we happened to hit every light getting to the freeway and then we go on the offramp only do discover that its a goddamn parking lot, it heats up bad so we get off at the nearist exit and go to a gas station. I call my mom to see where my dad was so he can attempt to unfuck this hunk of shit car and she yells at me cause shes been driving around all day. while we were sitting at the station I was thinking of everything in the cooling system to try to figure out the problem. then out of nowhere I squeezed the lower hose and found a fucking leak. the heater hose has a fucking hole in it right under the distrbutor cap so its hard to reach. im all happy now cause I know what it is and I can fix it so we can get home. usually gas stations have hose repair tape BUT this one didnt so I have to wait till my mom gets here to take me to the parts store. she gets me and we get going to the shucks in shoreline cause their supposed to have every part cause there the wharehouse for all the surrounding area stores. we get there, wait for a half an hour and discover they dont have the exact hose. I ask the incompedent (sp? hahaha) moron if I can look to see if they have a universal hose. she tells me I can look but they dont have any universal hoses for heater lines. as soon as I get to the hose section I find a long, cut to fit hose for a heater line. we get all the parts it needs, pay, get the fuck on our not merry way and hit traffic. there was an accident cause some dipshit cant drive when it rains and everyone on I-5 has to slow down and look. finally we get there and I start tearin into the car and I get it almost all the way out and then my mom wants me to limp it back to baxters house cause the rest of them were tired of sitting on the concrete in the cold. im pissed cause I had to undo all of what I just did and their bitching about sitting on the concrete undercover meanwhile im the one fixing my brothers goddamn car in the rain without a jacket on, yeah real cool. so they take off and it makes it there. when we got there vince told me that it didnt heat up as much, hmmmmm I wonder why. well, remember how I told my dad to replace the radiator cap? I boutght one at the store and it held in enough coolant to keep it fairly cool. I still wasnt done though, I had to take that hose out and put in the new one. it took me literally a minute more to take out the hose. we could of had it fixed at the fucking gas station. So my mom gets some food and we eat at baxters dads house and then we go home. that was about an hour and a half ago. I left out a lot of shit, mostly cause it makes me look like an even huger asshole than I already was today, and cause im tired and im gonna go to bed now. If you read this all the way through then I applaud you. I need anger management. im sorry baxter, vince, mom, and anna but today was really stressful for me and you know how I am. I feel like im the only one that can properly (note: properly) fix any of our cars and I also know dad would probibly blame me if the car cracked the engine block from overheating even though vince drives it. goodbye and goodnight. Current Mood: drained Current Music: ceremony-ruined (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 17th, 2006
2:55 am	Im quitting. I put in a notice today at work. I went into central door and hardware (that place I called yeaterday) to drop off my resume and to see when I should come in for a weld test. so I showed up and started talking to the guy in charge (chris) about when I should do a test, we got to talking and he basically interviewed me on the spot and bullshitted a little and it turns out I went to high school with his kids and talked about how it would be if im employed there. he said I didnt even have to take a weld test if I didnt want to. he told me the hours are 7AM to 4pm monday through friday with an HOUR LUNCH and that there is absolutely no work on saturdays and or sundays. that was pretty much the only bummer, but it is 2 dollars more an hour than where im working now. Im glad I decided to quit ABW cause today I found out their a really shady company. a couple of guys I work with took some weld tests and they "lost" the plates and they told me that when they hire people who didnt take/pass a weld test as helpers there going to stay helpers until they leave and they dont like to give people raises when they do pass a test and they dont lose the plates. even if I dont get the job at central my teacher told me he will get me a job somewhere closer. Current Mood: calm Current Music: physical challenge-I quit (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 16th, 2006
3:16 am	good news day. well lately ive been hating my job cause the supervisor told me if I show him some good welds he'll get me setup to take a weld test which means id get more money and I wouldnt have to to the bullshit tasks hes been having me do since I started. so I went to school today and my teacher told me a about 4 places in the city of everett need welders. I was sooo excited when he told me this cause every job he's told me to check out ive gotten so im pretty confient ill have a new job next week making $2 an hour more than what im currently making and its in town and its a dayshift job too so I can actually sleep and take those fab classes I wanna take. as usual though work dragged by cause I counted and bagged bolts for 10 hours. the whole time I was daydreaming about me working in town. I pray that everything goes well and I get this job so I dont have to waste my time at ABW anymore. im gonna go to bed now people. wish me luck please. Current Mood: awake Current Music: ice cube-today was a good day (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, May 15th, 2006
3:16 am	righteous. I made an lj so add me friends or whoever. Current Mood: blah Current Music: paint it black (2 Comments |Comment on this)